“Menopause” is a pejorative term that describes women as demonised, as unreasonable “shrews”, and with “tinted glasses”. —— In addition to the unexplained sadness, women in the menopausal stage have to face the stigmatisation and segregation of the social discourse. As a result, most women hide their menopausal experience and suffer in silence, even when they are in a state of extreme discomfort.
I knew it was hormonal, but the conflict and self-doubt came to mind without warning. I felt like a tree branch with countless sensitive tentacles growing out of it. During the day, my emotions waited for an opportunity to move; at night, I connected to all five senses and my thoughts stretched endlessly. The tired voice, the powerlessness to fight back, the frustration of having nowhere to run, the mind constantly asking the rhetorical question, “Why?”
I am undoubtedly fortunate to have loved ones, children, and friends who have given me enough love and support to face the disorder of life together. But I had to do something to give more people the respect they deserved. So I picked up my camera – wandering along the Qiantang River, I saw Thuja trees, desolate wilderness, dead sparrows, and gurgling water – a redemptive journey of acceptance of vulnerability, where I used my body and mind as a compass, and established a link with the flowing water to gain freedom and liberation.
What a bitter wind, what a difficult step. This night was like “listening to the wind blowing rain at the end of the night, the iron horse and the icy river come into my dreams.” I lay in bed and watched myself change, and I was able to see myself calmly and without any change of colour in my predicament, and to help myself in my own way. Instead of destroying me, it allowed me to be brave and accept the storms that come my way, like flowing water accepting a hundred rivers.